Mothers matter in children’s lives, but do fathers?

By Garth Japhet

In the 30 years that I’ve been involved in addressing some of our region’s most pressing health and social issues, including GBV, HIV/AIDS and child abuse, I have never encountered an issue that is as emotionally charged and resonant — with as many people across all sectors of our society — as fatherhood.

For some people, it’s been gratitude for how much their dad’s positive and active presence has shaped their lives. For many more, it’s been about the negative effect his absence has had. For others, he may have been present, but this “presence” has been more a curse than a blessing. There’s the “hide and seek” dad (now you see him, now you don’t); the “ATM” dad, who is present with his money but not his time; the “fly on the wall” dad, who’s physically present but emotionally absent; and the abusive dad, who’s emotionally and/or physically abusive.

Whatever people’s experience of their dads, for most of us, his influence is profound. How he does or does not show up matters to us. But is this just an emotional issue? Does his presence or absence really make any difference to our lives?

It turns out that it does. Local and international research has shown that not having a present father figure increases the risk of children being victims of violence and, when they grow up, becoming perpetrators of violence, including GBV. In the US, over 90% of men in prison for violent crimes come from father-absent homes. Anecdotally, the same is true here. Children are also at greater risk of substance abuse, mental illness, and poor educational and economic outcomes if they don’t have strong father figures at home.

Greater risk does not mean a life sentence. In the same way that smoking doesn’t automatically mean someone will get cancer, children from father-absent homes don’t necessarily end up with these problems. In fact, many single mothers do an amazing job of raising balanced, productive, and happy children. But single parenting often comes at great personal cost, which could be reduced by having more active, present fathers or father figures.

While I was aware that this was an issue, it was only when we started our research that I realised just how big an issue it really is. It’s astounding that over 60% of South African children are growing up without a biological father in their lives. It’s one of the highest rates in the world.

This, I believe, is a public health emergency as it contributes to many of our most pressing social issues. Surely, we should be tackling it with the same vigour that we did HIV and Aids and Covid?

The good news is that it is eminently possible to inspire and support many more fathers and father figures to be active, positive and present in children’s lives and, in so doing, yield real long-term benefits for our society.

The first step is to understand the problem. Why are men not present? Is the popular narrative of “the deadbeat dad” true? In 2019, Heartlines conducted the largest research study of its kind to find the answers and they were surprising.

While absence can be attributed to a number of complex factors, it appears that most men really want to be present, but face significant barriers. By far the biggest is the perception that a father’s role is to provide financially. If you can’t provide, then you can’t be in the child’s life. This is a deeply entrenched belief that is as much held by men as by women. A quote from a woman in one of our focus groups illustrates this, “If he can’t bring money into this home, I don’t need another child in the house.” The lack of money is also a barrier in some cultures where payment is expected for "damages" for children conceived out of wedlock and for lobola. If this is not paid, the father is often prevented from being present. This in the context of mass unemployment.

Unsurprisingly, money is not what children most want from their dads. They want their time, their undivided attention, their affirmation.

A further barrier is lack of skills. If you have not been fathered yourself then how do you father? Encouragingly, I have met many men who, despite not having been fathered, are determined to be the father they never had.

Relational breakdowns can also play a significant role, where children are used as cannon fodder in parental wars.

Our health system can also be a barrier. Research has shown that if a man is present in the antenatal and birth process, he is much more likely to be present in the child’s life as they grow up. However, many health facilities bar men from this process. This is combined with the perception that the birth process and subsequent care for children is “women’s work”, and men have no place in it.

But the barrier that excites me most, in that it is the simplest to address, is the lack of societal awareness as to how important it is for fathers or father figures to be present and to play an active and positive role in children’s lives.

Based on this research, Heartlines has developed Fathers Matter. Since we are working with over 70 partners, it is the largest intervention of its kind in Africa. Using a combination of mass and social media as well as face-to-face programmes in faith-based organisations, workplaces, and sports clubs, we aim to change the narrative of the deadbeat dad to an understanding of why fathers really matter and what often stands in their way of being present.

Furthermore, we are inspiring and supporting men and women with what they can do to ensure that more men — whether or not they are biological fathers — are present, positive and active in children’s lives.

During the month of June, SABC2 will be airing the Fathers Matter television series on Saturday nights. There are six short films in the series, set in different communities. Each film explores the complexities of fatherhood and the relationships people have with their fathers in South Africa today.

We are also launching a WhatsApp “coach” for fathers who are looking for support in their fatherhood journeys. They receive weekly messages of ideas for activities based on the ages of their children and they can ask questions that are then answered on WhatsApp by ChatGPT.

Seldom have I felt more hopeful about the relevance and potential of an initiative. The need to ensure that more men are present, active, and positive in our children’s lives resonates across all sectors of society. It’s a national priority that we all can and must contribute to.

*Garth Japhet is the CEO of Heartlines.

** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of IOL.

Sun, 18 Jun 2023 09:21:17 GMTOpinion

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